We Will Not Forget

Written: 1999
© Julie Ruffell 1999
Description: Four teenage friends meet to remember their friend who just committed suicide.

"We Will Not Forget"

We open in Linda's living room. It consists of two couches, placed together to form a "V." A small coffee table between, and in front of, the couches holds a single lit candle. Claire and Margaret sit on one couch, with Linda on the second. The mood of the room is clearly heavy and downcast. None of the women, all eighteen in age say a word, nor do they look at each other. Their eyes do not leave the candle burning on the table. The doorbell rings, and Linda rises and opens to door to reveal Roxann.

LINDA: (hushed voice) Hi Roxann. Thanks for coming.

Linda and Roxann hug.

ROXANN: (hushed voice) Is everyone here?

LINDA: (hushed voice) Yeah.

Roxann steps inside and Linda closes the door. They move over to join Claire and Margaret.

ROXANN: (emotionless) Hey guys.

CLAIRE and MARGARET: (emotionless) Hey.

Linda and Roxann sit on the other couch. The four sit in silence, looking at the candle. After a long silence, Linda speaks.

LINDA: (looking at her hands) I can't believe she's gone.

CLAIRE: I know. I thought we'd all grow old together, surrounded by cats and terrorizing the local children.

MARGARET: Dana would never have cats. She'd have lizards or snakes.

ROXANN: Or a tarantula. She'd never have a pet anyone would consider cute.

CLAIRE: All the better to terrorize. Either way, it was supposed to be all five of us.

LINDA: I miss her laugh. She always had such a great sense of humour. She could always make you laugh, no matter how dire things seemed.

MARGARET: I miss her advice. No one listened to you like Dana. And she always seemed to know exactly what to say to make things better, like she had all the answers if you just knew which questions to ask her.

ROXANN: I just miss having her here. She was always there when I needed her.

LINDA: There was no one like her. I remember when we first met. It was in grade one and I was playing on the swings. An older boy came over and shoved me off. I scraped my knee and started crying. Dana showed up like some guardian angel and kicked him in the shin. He ran off and she helped me get to the office. The next day, she found me again, and she's been at my side ever since.

MARGARET: Our noble defender. Why didn't we return the favour?

They are quiet once more, looking at each other with sad eyes, and then looking away and staring once more at the candle. After a few moments, Roxann gets a small smile on her face.

ROXANN: Hey, remember that time Dana convinced us to sneak out and go swimming at midnight in the lake?

CLAIRE: (laughing) And then she got that tadpole in her bathing suit!

MARGARET: (laughing) I never thought someone who acted so tough could scream so high pitched.

LINDA: (laughing) And when she got out, she stepped in that big pile of crap!

ROXANN: (laughing) She was so pissed!

The four friends are laughing uncontrollably now. Suddenly, they seem to realize they are having fun and stop. They look at each other, guilt on their faces. Again, all eyes fall on the candle and tears begin to build. Roxann begins to sob.

LINDA: Roxann?

ROXANN: (crying) How could we let this happen? How come we didn't know? She killed herself! I mean, how come we didn't know?

LINDA: You know Dana. She was strong. I always thought she could handle everything.

ROXANN: (crying) Well, obviously she couldn't.

MARGARET: She did keep telling us how miserable she was.

CLAIRE: And as long as we've known her, everyone had always made fun of her being a little different.

ROXANN: Her grades were dropping, and she kept saying she had no future.

Linda wraps her arms around herself and looks at the floor, rocking slightly, tears in her eyes. She shakes her head.

LINDA: And I knew her father was beating her.

The others all turn to look at Linda, horrified.

CLAIRE: He what?!

LINDA: She covered the bruises and scars up so well, but I would notice them every once and awhile and I asked her about them one day. She told me that he had beaten her since she was a kid and that it was nothing she couldn't handle. She's always been so strong. I just believed her.

CLAIRE: How could we be so focused on ourselves to miss all this?

LINDA: Because Dana didn't talk about herself. She was always smiling, always laughing. And maybe because she made herself so available to us, always listening to us, we took advantage of that, and didn't realize how one sided our friendship was.

MARGARET: (pause) You're right. She really didn't talk much. She just listened then gave her advice. I never noticed how little she said about herself.

ROXANN: We didn't even know her, did we? And now it's too late.

CLAIRE: How are we supposed to go on from here? There was no one more precious to us, and we let her go. We let her suffer in silence. She's dead because of us.

Linda begins to cry. Roxann hugs her and Claire and Margaret move over to her and place hands on her knee and shoulder.

MARGARET: We should have known.

ROXANN: We were supposed to be her friends.

CLAIRE: If only we had paid more attention.

MARGARET: If only we could have the chance to do it again.

LINDA: Stop it! We can't play this game of "What if?" There is no what if, only what is and what is, is that she's dead! She's dead and there's nothing we can do about it. We can't change what happened or bring her back.

ROXANN: How could she do this? Didn't she know how much this would hurt us? Didn't she care?

CLAIRE: You don't want to be mad at her for this Roxann.

Roxann stands.

ROXANN: Yes I do! She should have come to us and let us help her. She was our friend. I mean, we'll never hear her laugh again, or have her shoulder to cry on! No more hanging out, or going to movies. No more classes together, no picking a collage to all go to! Things couldn't have been terrible enough for her to do this! She had us! (softly) She had us.

Claire stands and moves over to Roxann.

CLAIRE: She did have us, but we didn't take care of her. We took her for granted, everything about her. We took for granted that she would always been here.

ROXANN: (teary voice) And now she's not.

Claire hugs Roxann.

CLAIRE: We all miss her.

LINDA: She'd want us to move on.

MARGARET: We can't do that.

Roxann sits on a couch.

ROXANN: It's impossible.

Claire sits on a couch.

CLAIRE: I wish she was here.

LINDA: But she's not and we have to accept that.

All eyes fall upon the candle, silence filling the room once more.

MARGARET: We should have known.

LINDA: Oh just stop it! Look, none of you are to blame. I've known her for twelve years and I knew about her father. If anyone should be blamed, it should me!

The other three stand again and move to Linda as she is once more overcome with tears.

ROXANN: It's not your fault, Linda.

CLAIRE: You were a great friend.

MARGARET: You are a great friend.

The four cry together.

LINDA: (sobbing) She was my best friend. I loved her! I can't do this! I can't live without her!

CLAIRE: It's hard, but you were right; Dana would want us to move on. She's want us to be happy.

LINDA: That's not possible. How can you expect me to live with this hole in my heart?

ROXANN: I think this will eat at us forever, but everyday, just a little bit, it will get better. There will be a day when we can live again.

CLAIRE: We'll have Dana's strength.

Linda stands angrily.

LINDA: You don't get it, do you? Dana didn't have any strength! She crapped out! She gave up! There's no strength in that!

MARGARET: Don't remember her like that, Linda.

LINDA: Why not? That's who she is. She's a quitter. She quit on life and she quit on us.

ROXANN: It's not our place to judge her.

CLAIRE: You don't want to hate her. None of us do, no matter how angry or upset we are. You're letting the hurt overtake you.

LINDA: Of course I am. Our friend took her own life! Do you have any idea what it was like for me to walk into that room and find her lying in a pool of blood, her blood, with her wrists hacked open? I wrapped a towel around her wrists, but there was just too much blood, so much blood. I held her, she was so cold...and she looked at me and simply said, "It's what I had to do." And then she died I watched the life leave her eyes, and felt her grow even colder in my arms.

Linda falls down, her body wracked with tears. The other three don't move, since they don't know what to do. This continues until Linda slowly gets control over herself.

LINDA: So she's gone. That's how life works, right? You lose the people you love. So what's the point? Maybe we should all just follow her.

Linda stands and pulls a box cutter out of her pocket. The others stand, shocked and very concerned.

LINDA: This is what Dana used to take her life. This tiny blade; her blade. It took her life, and since it's my fault, then it should have mine too.

ROXANN: What are you doing?! Linda, Dana wouldn't want this! She's want you to have the strength she couldn't. Put the razor down.

LINDA: No. No, I let this happen. Why should I get to live?

CLAIRE: You're not Dana, Linda. Don't you have things to live for? You've got a career plan; you've got a future. You've got friends and family, people who love you. Dana didn't believe she had these things, and maybe, in some ways, she was right, but what she did was a mistake. A deadly, horrible, unchangeable mistake. Don't make it be in vain; learn from it.

Linda turns to face the candle and slowly kneels down before it. She gently places the box cutter on the table. Claire moves over and takes it. She kneels beside Linda and places a hand on her shoulder.

CLAIRE: Dana would be proud.

LINDA: Would she?

MARGARET: Or course. She was proud of all of us.

Once more, the friends are silent, as they stare at the candle.

ROXANN: So...where do we go from here?

CLAIRE: I don't know. Maybe that answer is different for each of us.

LINDA: No it's not. We stay friends and we stay together. We make sure we listen and take care of each other.

MARGARET: We'll do it for Dana.

LINDA: We'll move on, but we will never forget her. We never could.

The lights come down, as the friends look at the candle, Claire with her arm around Linda and Roxann and Margaret with their arms around each other. When the lights are down, only Linda can be seen, lit from the light of the candle.

LINDA: Good-bye Dana.

Linda blows out the candle.

FIN