Seconds

Written: 2006
© Julie Ruffell 2006
Dedication: Dedicated to all those who suffer from depression or self injury. There's hope
Description: After the death of her best friend, Laura suffers a relapse of depression. The disease consumes her life, forcing her to re-live painful moments from her past. In order to cope, Laura returns to self injury just to get through the day. When her aunt calls with news of her abusive mother, Laura must come to terms with her past or die.

"Seconds"

1 INT. APARTMENT HALL

Flashback:

The door to the dark apartment opens and LAURA, who appears 30, but is actually 24, enters. Laura wears pants, a long sleeved shirt and her hair in a pony tail. Her clothes are dark in colour. She wears very simple and subtle make-up.

She has mail in her hand, which she drops on a small table by the door as she closes it. She locks the door and walks into the living room.

2 INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM

Flashback:

Laura turns on the light and is startled. Seated on the couch, holding a phone is HEIDI, also 24. She is Laura's roommate. Heidi looks up in surprise when the light is turned on. Laura gives Heidi a questioning look.

HEIDI
Oh...hey. How was work?

Laura shrugs as she takes off her jacket and drapes it over a kitchen chair. She carries on into the kitchen. The walls of the apartment are covered in paintings.

3 INT. APARTMENT KITCHEN

Flashback:

Laura pulls a glass from the cupboard and then pulls a pitcher of water from the full fridge, pouring herself a glass. She walks back out to the living room.

4 INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM

Flashback:

Heidi hasn't moved and stares blankly ahead, still clutching the phone. Laura enters and studies Heidi. Heidi, feeling Laura's eyes on her, looks up. She sighs. Her eyes are sad and scared.

HEIDI
My test results came back...

Laura's face falls. The sound fades as Heidi starts to talk. The only sound is a ticking clock. Laura's face grows more upset as Heidi talks. She drops the glass. It hits the carpet, but doesn't break. ECU of the glass which fades into:

5 INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM

Laura is lying on a bed, on her side, eyes focused on the clock on the nightstand. Beside the clock is a small, standup, monthly calendar. The calendar reads "September 2007". Laura's eyes are on the clock, but she's looking beyond it at nothing.

She lies so perfectly still that the only signs of life are her blinking eyes and her gentle, rhythmic breathing. Her hair is oily as she has been lying there for days. Her eyes are hollow.

There are two beds in the room. The one Laura is not on is made. Its covers are slightly rumbled as though someone has lain upon the top of the covers several times. The walls of the bedroom are barren and the blinds are drawn. There are a few book cases full of books, all fantasy.

6 INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM

The phone rings. There's a framed photo of Heidi and Laura, smiling, next to the phone and the answering machine.

7 INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM

Laura remains completely still.

8 INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM

The answering machine picks up.

HEIDI (v.o.)
You've reached Heidi and Laura. If you don't know what do after the beep, you're not smart enough to talk to us.

The machine beeps. SUSAN is calling.

SUSAN (v.o.)
Laura? This Susan.
(pause)
Your aunt. If you're there, please pick up.

9 INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM

Laura listens, but doesn't move.

SUSAN (v.o.)
(sighs)
I really don't want to leave this news on your machine.
(pause)
All right, I guess you're out. Call me as soon as you get this message. It's regarding your mother. You can reach me at her place.

Susan hangs up.

10 INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM

Laura still doesn't move.

11 INT. MASTER BEDROOM

Flashback:

JANICE, Laura's mother, dressed in a business suit, which is either white or icy blue, is lying in bed, arm over her eyes. On the nightstand there is an empty wine glass.

Laura appears 30, but it really a young child. She holds a piece of paper in her hands with a drawing on it. She peeks into the room and studies her mother. She ducks behind the door.

A moment later, Laura looks into the room again and then enters with quiet steps. She speaks very softly.

LAURA
Mom?

Janice doesn't acknowledge Laura, or even stir. Laura moves closer to the bed until she's standing beside it.

LAURA
Mom?

There's still no reaction from Janice. Laura carefully crawls onto the bed and sits next to Janice.

LAURA
(whispers)
Mom?

She covers her nose and mouth with the paper. She lowers the paper and then, very gently, pokes Janice's leg.

LAURA
Mom?

JANICE
Laura, I'm trying to rest!

LAURA
But I wanna show you the picture I drawed.

JANICE
I'm sleeping.

LAURA
No, you're not. You're awake. Lookit what I drawed, Mom.

Janice sits up and snatches the drawing from Laura's hand.

JANICE
It's 'drew,' not 'drawed'.

Without looking at the drawing Janice slaps it, face down, on the night stand and lies down again. Laura sits still for a moment, pressing her lips together to stop herself from crying. She takes a silent, deep breath.

LAURA
Mom, will you read me "The Lion".

Janice doesn't reply.

LAURA
Mom? Mo-o-o-o-o-o-om?

Janice ignores Laura completely. Laura looks over at her drawing on the nightstand. She crawls off of the bed and walks over to the nightstand. She reaches up, takes her drawing and leaves the bedroom.

12 INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Flashback:

Laura exits Janice's room. She stands in the hall and looks at her drawing for a moment. She crumbles it up and walks away.

13 INT. CUBICLE

Laura types on her computer. She moves slowly, but steady. Laura wears dark, loose fitting clothes. She wears pants, long sleeves, and the collars of her shirts always extend up to her neck. Her only exposed skin is her hands, neck and face. She does not wear make-up, and wears her hair long and down.

As Laura types, ASTRID pops up over the cubicle wall.

ASTRID
Hey, Laura.

Laura looks up.

ASTRID
A few of us are hitting Lily's for lunch. You wanna come with?

Laura opens her drawer to show Astrid a muffin.

ASTRID
Ah, bag it. Come along.

Several other workers walk towards the cubicles. BUDDY waves at Astrid.

BUDDY
Yo, Astrid. Ready?

The workers arrive at the cubicle to see Astrid is talking to Laura. Buddy laughs.

BUDDY
Oh, sorry, was the mute in the middle of an enthralling story?

The others laugh. Astrid shrugs and follows the group as they move away. Laura turns back to her computer, and rubs her shirt sleeve, running her finger over a scar underneath it, finding comfort in touching the unseen scar.

14 EXT. SCHOOLYARD - DAY

Flashback:

Children run and play on fields and on a playground. Laura appears to be 30, but is really a child. She is sitting in a quiet corner, away from the kids, reading, "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader".

She wears a dark coloured T-shirt and faded blue jeans. Her hair is worn down.

She looks up at the kids playing. She studies them for a moment with a sad expression, then returns to her book.

15 INT. APARTMENT HALL

Laura enters her apartment, holding a stack of mail. It's all junk. She drops the mail on a small table near the door. The mail slides off the huge pile that's already there. Laura closes and locks the door. She holds her hand on the lock and the other against the door. She rests her forehead on the door, collecting herself. After a moment she walks into the apartment.

16 INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM

Laura turns on the light and walks by the empty couch. The walls are all barren. The paintings are all leaning against the walls, turned with the image facing away. The answering machine light blinks.

17 INT. APARTMENT KITCHEN

Laura moves into the kitchen. She opens the freezer and pulls out a simple TV dinner. She doesn't read the directions, just removes it from the package and tosses it into the microwave. She reaches into the fridge, which is nearly empty, and pulls out a bottle of water. From a drawer, she pulls out a plastic fork.

Sitting at the table with the TV dinner, Laura stares at the wall as she slowly picks at her meal. Eventually she gets up and tosses the dinner away, half finished.

18 INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM

Laura walks by the answering machine and sees that it's blinking. She studies the picture of her and Heidi for a moment and then presses play as she moves into the bedroom.

SUSAN (v.o.)
Laura, it's Susan again. Look, I've left several messages. You need to call me back.

19 INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM

Instead of crawling into her bed, Laura crawls onto the empty one - Heidi's. She buries her face in Heidi's pillow. The machine beeps and another message plays.

SUSAN (v.o.)
Laura. Susan. Again. I know you and your mother don't really get along for whatever reason, but you need to call me. There are obligations in a family.

It beeps again. Susan's voice is angry.

SUSAN (v.o.)
Fine. I didn't want to do this over the machine, but obviously you're not going to call me and I am getting sick of listening to your answering machine message. You're, what, 30 now? Time to grow up. You and that girl.

Laura buries her face deeper into the pillow.

SUSAN (v.o.)
Your mother is very sick and the doctors aren't giving her long. You need to show your mother some respect and come see her before she dies.

Laura lifts her head as the message ends. There's no more messages.

20 INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM

The clock ticks.

21 INT. KITCHEN

Flashback:

Laura appears 30, but it really a young child. She enters the kitchen. The kitchen is spotless and clearly the kitchen of a well off family. The sound of a phone beeping off the hook can be heard. As Laura walks into the kitchen, she finds Janice. Janice is sitting on the floor near the phone. She has her arms wrapped around her legs and appears to be staring at nothing.

The phone receiver dangles by its cord near her legs. Laura scrunches her face up at the sound the phone is making and puts the receiver back in the cradle. She looks down at Janice, who has not moved.

Laura sits crossed legged in front of Janice and stares at her. Janice does not make eye contact with Laura. There's a long pause.

LAURA
Where's daddy?

Very slowly, Janice lowers her head to meet Laura's eyes.

JANICE
He's gone.

LAURA
Where's he goned?

JANICE
(absently)
'Gone'. Not 'goned'.

Janice nearly breaks into tears, but quickly fights them back. She stands and walks over to a cupboard. She removes a wine glass and a bottle of wine. Laura stands and watches Janice as she opens drawers trying to find the corkscrew. Janice becomes more frantic as she can't find it. Suddenly, from grief, not frustration, Janice breaks the neck of the bottle against the counter. Laura jumps.

Janice fills her glass and downs it. She presses her hands against the counter as she fights against a breakdown. She takes deep breaths, each one sounding like a sob will escape with it.

Laura is terrified and confused. She watches, frozen.

Janice gets control of herself. She picks up the bottle and the glass and sinks back down to the floor. She fills the glass and drinks.

Laura is still for a moment more, then leaves the kitchen.

22 FRONT HALL

Flashback:

Laura walks up to the front door. She opens it and looks outside into the dark.

LAURA
Daddy? Daddy!

She closes the door and then walks to the stairs. She sits down and stares at the door, waiting.

23 INT. CUBICLE

Laura stares at her computer. Her hands are still on the keyboard. Astrid walks by. She stops and looks in at Laura.

ASTRID
Hey Laura-

Laura jumps.

ASTRID
Sorry.
(pause)
Is everything okay? You seem out of it today.

Laura looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Astrid glances down the hall.

ASTRID
Oop - it's the boss man.

She leaves. MR. McLENNAN stops and looks into Laura's cubicle.

MR. McLENNAN
Laura, I'd like to see you for a moment.

24 INT. FRONT HALL

Flashback:

The door opens and Laura, who appears 30, but is actually a teenager, enters. Laura is dressed in dark, baggy clothes and wears her long hair down and over her face. She heads straight for the kitchen, not bothering to remove her shoes, but pulling off her jacket as she moves into the kitchen.

25 INT. KITCHEN

Flashback:

Laura enters the kitchen. She drapes her jacket over a chair and then turns to face the entrance to the kitchen, her head low.

Janice enters and walks straight over to Laura. She holds a small stack of papers in one hand. There's a brief pause and then Janice fiercely backhands Laura, who stumbles into the chair she just placed her jacket on, which causes her to fall over.

JANICE
Do you have any idea how much that school cost! It was a guarantee into an ivy league college and you threw it away for doodles!

Janice slaps the papers onto the counter. It's math homework, but there's more sketches on it than numbers. Laura cowers from Janice who looms over her as she yells.

JANICE
Don't expect me to waste any more money on useless art supplies. You're damned well going to pick up your grades this year. We don't raise stupid people in this family!

Janice squeezes the bridge of her nose. She looks up and sees one of her bottles of wine on the table. She steps over Laura, grabs the bottle and then leaves the kitchen.

Laura doesn't get up at first, but then she stands and pulls her artwork off of the counter. She hugs it to her chest and looks off to where Janice exited. She rubs her sore cheek with one hand. She is barely able to hold back the tears.

26 INT. MR. McLENNAN'S OFFICE

Laura is sitting across the desk from Mr. McLennan. He speaks formally and reviews a sheet of notes before him.

MR. McLENNAN
Your productivity is slipping, Laura. There's been a steady decline in your output. Your work is perfect, but we'll need to see these numbers come up.

Laura, who has been staring at items on Mr. McLennan's desk, nods her head once.

MR. McLENNAN
We'll meet again next month. I expect to see an improvement.

He hands her a performance review.

MR. McLENNAN
Please sign at the bottom there.

She does. He takes it back then gives her a copy. He studies her a moment.

MR. McLENNAN
I know things have been rough.

Laura looks up and meets his eyes at the mention of Heidi.

MR. McLENNAN
But Heidi's recommendation got you here. Do you want to let her down?

He gives her a warm smile. Laura leaves.

27 INT. APARTMENT HALL

Laura enters, closes and locks the door. She drops her copy of her performance review on the small table. The junk mail that fell the other day is still on the floor. Laura walks by it without a glance. She holds a small bag for an art supply store in her hand.

28 INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM

Laura stares at the blinking answering machine. She doesn't listen to the messages. She pulls out a small box from the plastic bag (it's a box of art scalpel replacement blades - it's not seen clearly by the viewer), then heads into the bathroom and closes the door.

29 INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY

Flashback:

Though Laura appears 30, she's a teenager. She walks briskly down the hall. She wears dark and baggy clothes. She keeps her eyes on the floor. She walks by several teenagers gathered on and around a bench. CHRISTINE smacks AJ'S arm and points at Laura when he looks at her.

CHRISTINE
It's the freak.

AJ stands and the others follow.

AJ
What's the rush, Creepy?

Laura keeps walking, avoiding all eye contact. AJ blocks her path. Laura is forced to stop. The other teenagers get to their feet and circle Laura. AJ reaches out and grabs her arm, spinning her and ripping the backpack from her shoulders.

AJ
Let's see what you've got. Wonder if your daddy's skull is in here.

AJ opens the bag. He pulls out textbooks and notebooks and drops them on the floor at Laura's feet.

AJ
All these books; must have crushed it. Guess I'm lookin' for skull dust.

The other teens laugh as the AJ turns the backpack over and shakes out what's left as several of the teens shove Laura. "The Silver Chair" falls out at Laura's feet.

Christine gives Laura a hard shove and she falls, tripping over the books. The teens laugh, while Laura pulls her legs in, trying to make herself small.

Christine moves to kick Laura, when she's suddenly pulled back and shoved. She hits the lockers hard and falls. TEEN HEIDI storms through the bullies and stands between them and Laura.

TEEN HEIDI
You guys seemed to be having so much fun with all that pushing, I thought I would try it.

AJ
You're such a fucking bitch, Heidi.

TEEN HEIDI
Awww...such a charmer. Unfortunately I'm not looking for a wife-beater wanna-be.

She looks at Christine.

TEEN HEIDI
Perhaps your skank would be interested.

The bullies study Teen Heidi for a moment.

AJ
Fuck it.

He leaves and the others follow. Teen Heidi crouches and picks up Laura's bag and the book nearest to her - "The Silver Chair".

TEEN HEIDI
I love this book. Aslan's my favourite.

Laura looks up at Heidi, making eye contact. Teen Heidi smiles.

TEEN HEIDI
It's Laura, right?

Laura nods.

TEEN HEIDI
Yeah, I thought so. Don't we have homeroom together?

Laura nods again. Teen Heidi has loaded up Laura's books back in her bag and stands. She offers a hand to Laura. Laura takes it and Teen Heidi pulls her up. She hands Laura her bag.

TEEN HEIDI
Catch you around.

Teen Heidi walks off. Laura watches her go.

30 INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM

The clock ticks. The calendar now reads, "October 2007".

31 INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM

Laura is lying in bed, staring at the clock. She closes her eyes and shudders. Lips quivering slightly, she opens her eyes and starts to get up. She inhales sharply in pain as she does.

The camera pans to blood stains on Laura's sheets.

32 INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM

Flashback:

Laura appears 30, but is 24. She walks past a wall calendar that reads "October 2001". She sets a tray with two cups of tea, cream and honey on a small coffee table. HEIDI is sitting in a large chair and is swaddled in blankets. Her face is pale and she looks sickly and weak.

Laura stirs a small amount of honey and cream into one of the cups then hands it carefully to Heidi. She sits on the table before her friend, ignoring her own tea. Heidi's hands shake as she raises the cup to her lips and takes a sip. She lowers the cup, but has difficulty and Laura takes the cup and sets it down. Laura holds up a straw from the tray in question.

HEIDI
The day I have to drink tea through a straw is the day I'm ready to go.

Laura's jaw tightens and her head tilts slightly to make eye contact with Heidi.

HEIDI
Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. You know me. Gotta take everything with a laugh.

Heidi lays a hand on one of Laura's. Laura stares at Heidi's hand. There's a dark stain on the black sleeve of Laura's shirt. Heidi looks at Laura's face, but Laura doesn't take her eyes off of Heidi's hand.

HEIDI
I don't want my death to set you back.

Laura looks up suddenly, her face shocked.

HEIDI
I can't say I'm thrilled by the prospect, but I'm not getting better, Laura, and I don't want to pretend anymore.

Laura stands. Heidi grabs Laura's wrist. Laura stops from the gesture, not the grip; Heidi is too weak too hold her.

HEIDI
You've come too far to go backwards.

Laura frees herself from Heidi, closing her eyes and throwing her arms up before heading for the door.

HEIDI
Talk to me!

Laura doesn't pause.

HEIDI
Laura! You have to stop hiding!

Laura leaves the apartment. Heidi experiences sudden physical pain.

33 INT. FRONT HALL

The doorbell rings. Susan answers the door to find Laura standing there. Susan folds her arms over her chest.

SUSAN
I'm not sure I should let you in.

Laura says nothing, nor does she raise her head. Susan gives an exasperated sigh and then walks into the house, no longer blocking the way. Laura steps inside.

At first she doesn't close the door. She looks as though she may bolt. She sees a teenage version of herself slamming the door and then running into the house. Laura closes her eyes.

34 INT. FRONT HALL

Flashback:

Laura opens her eyes to find herself running. Though she appears 30, she's actually the teenager she saw a moment ago.

She runs into the kitchen.

35 INT. KITCHEN

Flashback:

Laura runs into the kitchen. She's clearly under duress. Her face is streaked with tears and she seems panicked.

She begins to open and close cupboards and drawers, and then slams them shut again. She continues to open and slam cupboards and drawers until she opens the large cutting knife drawer. Laura pauses, breathing heavily. She reaches into the drawer to a grab a knife, studying her wrist as she does so.

ECU of Laura's face as the desperation and panic are suddenly released. Her face is a mix of relief and surprise.

36 INT. FRONT HALL

Laura opens her eyes. Susan is staring at her.

SUSAN
Back with me? You never could seem to face reality.

She gestures towards the stairs with her head.

SUSAN
She's upstairs.

37 INT. MASTER BEDROOM

ECU of Laura's eye peaking into Janice's bedroom. Janice is lying in bed. She's yellow in colour and breathing with effort. She's holding a framed photo in her hands. With pain, moving stiffly, she caresses the photo with her other hand.

There's an empty wine glass and a bottle of wine on the nightstand by the bed.

38 INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Laura pulls back from the door and leans against the wall. She looks from the door to the master bedroom and the stairs and back again. She stands straight and moves in front of the door again. She takes a deep breath, then slowly pushes the door open and enters the bedroom.

39 INT. MASTER BEDROOM

Janice looks up and studies Laura for a moment as she rests the photo, face down, on her chest.

JANICE
I thought you'd look different.

Laura shrugs so slightly it's barely noticed. Janice shakes her head.

JANICE
Well you don't act any differently.

Laura eyes the wine glass as a quiet rebuttal. Where she was scared before, entering the room and seeing Janice after all this time starts to make her angry.

Janice follows Laura's glaze. She pauses on the glass for a moment before looking back at Laura. They stare at each other. Janice looks down and touches the photos.

JANICE
I suppose Susan's told you?

Laura is curious about the photo. She takes a step closer, nodding once as she does.

JANICE
I figured it would be the only way to get you here.

Laura shrugs again. Her eyes stay on the photo. Janice gives an angry sigh.

JANICE
(frustrated)
I am just trying to have a conversation with you.

Laura meets her eyes. Janice looks away.

JANICE
Not that I really know what to say...
(more to herself)
But there are obligations in a family.

Janice looks at the photo again.

JANICE
If there's even a chance I'll see him, I can't do it with how things are between us...

Laura has moved up beside the bed and stands near the head of it, next to the nightstand. Laura is studying the photo. Janice looks up.

JANICE
You look like him...I never noticed that before.

Laura looks at Janice. Janice reaches out to grab the glass of wine, only to rediscover that it's empty. She's too weak to reach for the bottle to pour another glass. She squeezes the bridge of her nose. Laura takes the moment to take the photo. Janice reaches out as though to take the photo back, but stops. It's a picture of Jacob.

Laura looks at Janice, and she can't unleash the anger at her anymore so she buries it again. Laura reaches down at puts the picture back in Janice's hand. Laura straightens out and fills the wine glass. She replaces the cork and then looks at Janice again. Slowly, she leans down and kisses Janice on the forehead. Laura leaves.

40 INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Flashback:

Laura appears 30, but is a young child. She is dressed in a child's nightgown and moves cautiously down the dark hallway. She watches the shadows. JACOB, her father, a man in his early 30s, leaps out from one of the dark rooms and 'play' roars. Laura shrieks and runs away down the hall, giggling. She runs into her dark bedroom.

41 INT. LAURA'S BEDROOM

Flashback:

Laura jumps on her bed, still giggling, but tries to muffle her giggling by sticking her face in one of the pillows. The lights are turned on and Jacob enters, holding his hands above his head and planting his feet as though he were a large monster. He speaks with a 'monster' voice.

JACOB
None can escape...the Tickle Monster!

He play roars again and Laura shrieks again and giggles louder. Jacob moves beside the bed and grabs her and then begins to tickle her. Laura loves every second of it.

LAURA
(laughing)
No Daddy! Stop!

JACOB
Daddy? There is no 'Daddy'. There is only the Tickle Monster!

He continues to tickle her.

LAURA
(laughing)
Stop it, Daddy!

JACOB
The Tickle Monster wins again!

He stops tickling her, though Laura continues to giggle.

JACOB
Okay, Monkey Bear. Time to settle it down for bed.

LAURA
Read me "The Lion", Daddy.

JACOB
Again!?

LAURA
Read when he roars at the witch!

JACOB
Okay. Okay. Let's get you tucked in first.

Jacob tucks Laura into her bed and then moves over to the bookshelf and pulls out "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe". He moves back to Laura's bed and sits on the side next to Laura.

LAURA
Aslan is my favourite.

Jacob smiles with a nod as he opens the book to the requested passage.

JACOB
(reading)
"The witch was just turning away with a look of fierce joy on her face when she stopped and said, 'But how do I know this promise will be kept?'"

LAURA
I know, Daddy! Then he roars like this - Rrrrrraaaawwwwrrr! And then she runs away all scared, Daddy.

JACOB
Yes she does. Running for her life; afraid of Aslan.

LAURA
Now the beavers. Read Mr. Beaver.

Jacob kisses the top of Laura's head as he turns to the requested part in the book.

JACOB
(reading)
"'Sh! Look!' said Susan. 'What?' said Peter. 'There's something moving among the trees to the left.'"

Janice enters the bedroom.

JANICE
Is she still up? It's nine PM. She should have been in bed an hour ago.

LAURA
Daddy's reading me the beavers.

Janice ignores Laura.

JACOB
She had a big day.
(to Laura)
And special girls who had big days deserve to stay up late.

Janice squeezes the bridge of her nose.

JANICE
What's the point in having a schedule if you're not going to follow it? When I get home, I expect her to be in bed.

Jacob stands. Laura looks between her parents.

JACOB
And I would have expected her mother to attend her daughter's play.

JANICE
Do you have any idea how inconvenient that phone call was? You're only supposed to call me at work for emergencies.

Jacob looks over at Laura.

JACOB
Hey, Monkey Bear, mommy and daddy need to have a boring grown-up talk and then I'll come read you the beavers when we're done.

LAURA
Okay daddy.

Jacob stands and gestures to Janice that she should leave the room and he follows her into the hallway.

JACOB (v.o.)
Your daughter was starring as Lucy and you were missing it. That was an emergency.

JANICE (v.o.)
Do we have to keep going over this?

JACOB (v.o.)
Yes, because I don't understand you! We're supposed to be a family!

Laura gets out of bed and carefully peaks through a crack in the door and watches her parents.

42 INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Janice and Jacob argue in the hallway.

JANICE
I don't want to have this fight with you again!

JACOB
I'm not trying to fight with you; I am trying to understand you.

JANICE
You don't want to understand. If you wanted to understand you would learn to listen to me.

JACOB
I listen to you, Janice.

JANICE
But you don't hear me, Jacob. I told you I didn't want kids, but you kept pushing the issue. You don't let me say no. You keep coming at me until I agree.

JACOB
If you were so against children then why did you agree to have her?

JANICE
I did it for you!

43 INT. LAURA'S BEDROOM

Laura goes back to bed and holds her hands over her ears, but she can still hear them.

JACOB (v.o.)
Damnit. Why would you want to have a child you were never going to love?

JANICE (v.o.)
(surprised)
You think...I just...it's so easy with you, but I don't... Just forget it! I don't want to discuss this anymore anyways.

Janice's footsteps can be heard heading downstairs.

44 EXT. BUS STOP - DAY

Laura walks to a bench at a bus stop and sits down. The wine bottle in her hand clunks against the bench, which is the first time she realizes she left with it. She stares at it for a moment, then puts it in her bag. She stares down at her feet.

VICTORIA, pulling ARIEL, her crying daughter, arrives at the bus stop. One hand pulls the child along and the other is full of bags. Victoria yells at Ariel.

VICTORIA
That's enough already! Enough!

Victoria sits heavily on the bench next to Laura, her bags scraping Laura's leg. Laura recoils from the bags' touch. She moves as far away as she can without falling off of the bench.

VICTORIA
Goddamnit! You keep crying like that and I'll give you a reason to cry!

Laura's eyes focus on Victoria. The anger we saw in Janice's bedroom returns to her eyes. She presses her lips together and closes her eyes. Her hands clench into fists. She looks ready to punch Victoria.

VICTORIA
I'm going to count to three... One...

Ariel begins to settle down. Victoria sighs.

VICTORIA
Just wait until we get home.

The bus can be seen coming up the street. Laura nearly leaps to her feet and waits for the bus to stop. She gets on quickly, moving to the back of the bus, away from the mother and child.

45 INT. APARTMENT HALL

Laura enters her apartment, closes and locks the door and then slides to the floor, covering her face with her hands.

46 INT. FRONT HALL

Flashback:

A key turns in the lock and the door opens. Laura, appearing 30, is actually a teenager. She peeks inside the house and then steps quickly inside. She closes and locks the door and then listens. The house is silent. She looks both nervous and excited. She pulls off her backpack as she runs up the stairs.

47 INT. BATHROOM

Flashback:

Laura enters the bathroom and locks the door. She leans against it. She looks down at the backpack after a moment and turns all her focus to it. Opening it, she pulls out an empty looking plastic bag from an art supply store and then discards the backpack.

She sits on the edge of the tub and pulls the item from the bag, dropping the bag on the floor. The item is an art scalpel. Laura starts to pull at the plastic covering. She nicks a finger in her careless efforts to open the package. She stops, staring at the drop of blood on her finger.

She looks back at the still half contained scalpel, and slowly takes in a long breath and then lets it out. Slowly now, she frees the scalpel from its packaging. Laura turns it over in her hands. Looking down at the blade, her eyes fall to her shirt and she slowly pulls it up, exposing her stomach.

She runs the tips of her fingers over the flesh of her stomach. Slowly, she lowers the blade and sets it against her skin. She feels the prick. She is taking long, deep breaths, then she pushes blade in and makes a quick, straight cut down.

She gasps, quick and almost silently at the pain. Her mouth hangs open in surprise. Her lower lip quivers and her eyes close and her expression changes from one of pain to pleasure. She releases the breath she held in with the gasp, letting it out with relief and pleasure. She smiles and almost laughs.

Looking down again, she stares at the now bleeding line in her flesh. Fascinated by the rising blood that wells up and then drops down, moving over her skin, she captures a drop of blood with her middle finger and looks at it. She rubs her thumb against the blood and then turns back to the cut.

Taking the blade down to her flesh again, with two more strokes, she turns the first cut into a "D". Laura's face is surprised, pained and yet, full of pleasure. Four more cuts for an "I" and an "E". Laura studies the word "DIE" that she has carved into her skin, watching the blood slide down.

Seeing it nearing the top of her pants, she stands, quickly and grabs a wad of toilet paper, pressing it against the cuts. She looks up at the ceiling and sighs, a sound of both contentment and surprise.

She takes the toilet paper away. The small cuts have stopped bleeding. She moves carefully to the sink and washes the dried and smeared blood away, drying the area with the toilet paper.

Looking at the blood on the white she looks at the garbage can, then quickly discounts that and grabs the plastic bag and stuffs the toilet paper in it and then buries that deep in her backpack for later disposal.

48 INT. LAURA'S BEDROOM

Flashback:

Laura enters her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She stuffs the backpack under the bed and then lies on the top. Putting a hand under her shirt, she feels the cuts she made, tracing the word over and over. The pleasure is gone from her face. So are the other emotions. Her face is blank and expressionless once again.

49 INT. APARTMENT KITCHEN

Laura stands in front of the sink, breathing heavily, looking at the wine bottle she took from Janice's. Without warning, she lets out a roar of anger and then smashes the bottle with all her strength into the sink where it shatters. Glass shards fly and skitter around, some on the counter, some on the floor.

Laura gives a primal scream as she collapses to the floor, sobbing. She cries as though in physical pain, howling silently. Once she starts, the tears take over and she has no control.

She sinks down further, her head on the floor and begins to slap her palm against the tile. She hits a shard of glass and cries out in agony. She looks at the blood. She rips out the piece of glass and struggles to her feet.

50 INT. APARTMENT BATHROOM

Laura doesn't close the door and pulls off her shirt; she wears a tank top underneath. She rips open the cupboard and pulls out the art scalpel, beginning to cut at her exposed shoulders. There's no delay, no thought as she cuts, snarling at the fresh cuts the scalpel makes.

As she cuts, the rage subsides, and her cutting slows. The tears begin to silence. She cuts the exposed part of her chest as the crying stops. She sits in the tub and rolls up the legs of her pants.

Now she cuts slow and deliberate, and she relishes each new wound. She lowers her head against the back of the tub, eyes closed and then lowers her legs. She drops the blade and lies in the tub. She breathes out, eyes still closed and passes out.

51 INT. LAURA'S BEDROOM

Laura and Teen Heidi are in Laura's room. Laura appears 30, but is actually a teenager. Teen Heidi is seated at Laura's desk, working in her math book. Laura, who has a large black eye, is lying on her stomach on her bed. Her notebook doesn't have any work in it. Instead there's a very life-like pencil sketch of a beaver.

Laura stops drawing and stares at her math book, lost. She taps her pencil against her lip. She stops all of a sudden and looks over at Teen Heidi. Teen Heidi is engrossed in the homework. Laura looks down at her pencil. She looks at Teen Heidi again and then back at the pencil. She leans her head closer to the eraser end until it's nearly touching her bruise. Then, she raises the pencil and pushes the eraser against the bruise, digging it in.

Her eyes are wide for a moment in reaction to the pain, then they close. Her mouth curls in agony, and then, slowly, as she presses harder, her expression changes from one of pain to one of pleasure.

TEEN HEIDI
(laughing)
Hey, for number seven, do you think Mr. Wong would accept "They'd sell more tickets if the play wasn't Shakespeare"?

Teen Heidi turns around to look at Laura. Her laughter dies as she sees what Laura is doing.

TEEN HEIDI
(panicked)
What are you doing?

Laura's eyes shoot wide open and she drops the pencil. Seeing Teen Heidi looking at her, Laura rolls off the bed onto the side where Teen Heidi can't see her. Teen Heidi gets up, alarmed.

Teen Heidi moves around the side of the bed. Laura is slowly rocking back and forth. Teen Heidi doesn't understand what is going on. She cautiously moves next to Laura and kneels down beside her. Laura doesn't acknowledge Teen Heidi's presence and continues to rock.

Teen Heidi carefully reaches out and places a hand on Laura's knee. Laura still doesn't acknowledge Teen Heidi and keeps rocking. Teen Heidi stares at Laura and the bruise and her expression changes from one of worry to one of anger.

TEEN HEIDI
I fucking hate your mother.
(pause)
You cut, don't you?

Laura stops rocking and slowly turns her head to look in Heidi's eyes.

TEEN HEIDI
My mother's a nurse, remember?

Teen Heidi gently touches Laura's face just below her bruise.

TEEN HEIDI
You can talk to me, Laura. I would never judge you. I worry sometimes about how you keep it all in. I worry that you might...you know...?

LAURA
I don't do it to die. I do it to live.

They stare at each other in silence.

TEEN HEIDI
(trying to be upbeat)
When we turn eighteen, we'll move out together. You'll be able to escape this hole.

Laura leans forward and rests her forehead on Teen Heidi's shoulder. Teen Heidi strokes Laura's hair.

52 INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM

The clock has stopped. The picture of Laura and Heidi is on the nightstand with Laura's scalpel and a lit candle next to it.

The bedroom is dark and filled with lit candles and a stick of incense. Everything has been put in place with obvious care and attention to detail. Laura has set up this room to die peacefully in.

She is reading the final pages of "The Last Battle". She is dressed in comfortable clothes so they don't aggravate the fresh cuts. Her cuts and scars are hidden, as always under her clothes. As she finishes the book, she runs her hand over the final page; the words are comforting. She closes the book and hugs it to her chest. It's like she's saying good-bye.

Laura looks over at the photo of Heidi and her razor. She sits up and drops the book on the bed next to her. She caresses the photo, and then lets her hand fall to the scalpel. Picking it up, she holds it next to her wrist; her decision seems clear.

She pauses and looks at the book on the bed and then to the hole next to the rest of the set of the books. Everything has to be in the right place for this. She stands and moves over to the bookcase. She sets down the scalpel on the shelf above the books so she can carefully slide the book back into place with the rest of the series.

As she does so, she runs her fingers over the spines of the Narnia books; she lingers on "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe". She looks down at her stomach and slowly lifts her shirt enough to see her old "DIE" scar and traces it with her finger.

Her face suddenly sets and she picks up the scalpel, moves quickly back to the bed and blows out the candle on the nightstand, putting the picture of her and Heidi in darkness.

53 EXT. GRAVEYARD - DAY

Mourners are gathered around a coffin. All are dressed in black and many are wiping at tears. A minister speaks over the coffin (no sound). The camera pans across the graveyard to Laura, who is standing with her back to the camera, head turned in profile, watching the mourners. She is wearing a long sleeved, white shirt and dark pants. The shirt is long and catches slightly on a light breeze.

Her head turns and she looks down at a headstone that reads "Heidi Hermina Jones 1977-2001 Beloved daughter, niece and friend." Laura sits on the grave.

LAURA
It's been six years, Heidi. It doesn't hurt any less.
I was sitting in our room this morning thinking about you and my dad. Then I thought about my mother and...everything I had to endure. I've spent my life living in the shadowlands. Black and red were my only colours. I was left chained; forced to consume myself. Trapped as I was, this weight around my neck...I couldn't even cry anymore. I had to bleed my tears.

Laura pulls out the scalpel.

LAURA
I never told you this, but I did try to kill myself one time. At least I that's what I thought I was doing. I picked up the knife and I put it to my wrist...I just wanted everything to end. But I barely cut deep enough to draw blood...because it hurt. And I mean, it really hurt. And that sounds so stupid and obvious, but as I focused on the pain, I felt a calm rising, as though my anguish were being drained from me. And where a moment ago I was trying to kill myself, it suddenly was okay to go on living. The pain I could endure overwhelmed the pain that I couldn't.
I thought I was going to die this morning. I was ready to die. There was...nothing to make it okay to keep living. But when I fully embraced that thought, when I was ready to use this for the last time, I finally understood something - something I had never been able to see before. There was never a chain around my neck. All that weight I was pulling around, it was in my hands. And all I had to do was let it go.

She plants the scalpel into the ground as far as she can push it.

LAURA
I'm ready to live now, Heidi. I...I'm going to try.

She kisses her fingers and touches them to the headstone.

LAURA
I'll catch you around.

She stands and walks away, head up and smiling.

FIN